To South American visitors
I’ve been thinking that it has been a long time since I had seen some nice and motivating transition video on youtube, so I typed in my favorite „mtf“ and filtered the results for last week only… There was a girl that looked like a girl since she was 17 and so the whole journey wasn’t all that interesting, since she was lucky enough to start early and there was no reason to identify her wrongly even before hormones. So that is why I’m not showing you her video. But right after I finished watching it, youtube suggested another video and the thumbnail made me laugh. I thought „Yeaah, what a joke! It has to be a joke! Someone made a transition video parody, I have to see that. At least I can have a laugh entertain some people.
…it was not a parody…
I understood that right away.
I have been stunned for a few hours. This video absolutely shocked me, my blood presurre started to rise, my heartbeat got faster and I can’t focus on anything else. In fact, I’m still stunned by how much it inspired me, it made me cry. I don’t even know why – probably because of how amazing she is and much I would like to be beautiful like her. And also because of how good it is to go on this journey and take off the mask that you always had to wear.
The video is over 9 minutes long, but it’s definitely worth to watch it until the end.
I have never seen such a humongous difference in „before“ and „after“… I thought that it would be a really good joke to find a photo of some fat, greasy dude and put it to the start of the video, telling people I used to look like that :)))
But this is really no joke…
The sasquatch on the left is, in all seriousness, the princess on the right.
Anyone else still doubting that it IS possible? 🙂
Sona Avedian, USA, born 1982
Started transitioning at the age of 30
I was born in 1982. But in a boy’s body.
Even at 4 years old, the signs were there. My mom wrote: „Matt still says he wants to be a girl.“
When I was just 7 years old, my mom caught me crossdressing. Devastated & ashamed, it turned into my deepest, darkest secret for 23 years.
I wanted to tell somebody before going to the college. but my parents began a rough divorce and I decided to go a different route…
Ashamed of myself, I hid behind the mask of a U.S. Marine
I felt so alone, nothing seemed familiar anymore. After Intel school I requested to be stationed in Japan for 4 years.
(2001) While exploring this „Internet“ thing on the other side of the planet, I finally discovered the term „transgender“! Why didn’t I learn this in sex ed??? 🙁
It was ground breaking news for me!! This whole time I’ve felt like the only with these „issues“. I learned about others like me. I even embraced my TRUE identity and stopped feeling bad about it. Sadly, I also wanted a „normal life“, I thought it was more important than being true to myself, so I decided to NEVER tell anyone about it. I was taking it to my GRAVE.
Finished my time with the USMC in 2005
I started working as a contractor and continued deploying with the Marines doing the same work.
„Fitting in“ wasn’t enough, I thought getting married will help me cope.
I met my bride while visiting family in Armenia and not long after…
In total denial of denial, I overcompensated.
And that’s NOT ALL 🙂
After 9 years of living overseas…
I became 238 lbs of sadness :((
„I thought I had this man thing covered“
Ya know… like being Marine with a great wife, a beautiful child, a well paying job, a 1200hp Trans* Am, a big truck and even a good sense of humor, all to fill my voids.
It could only hide so much, I was exhausted & I could no longer hide behind these deployments.
I quit my job at August 2012 to return home to Michigan where my destroyed marriage and family were waiting. Time to say goodbyes :(( Sorry guys, I’ll miss you!
Finally, my partner and I decided to get divorced!!! 🙁 I was devastated, my life was spiralling out of control quickly.
Then… something incredible happened. For the first time in 23 years, I heard „HER“: „Please LET ME OUT! You can’t quit now, let me at least try!?“ This was HUGE for me.
Unsure if I would actually „come out“, I began my preparations for transition anyhow! I had 70 lbs to lose.
But there were risks involved like:
Loss of friends
Rejection from family
I’ll never „pass“
People are going to laugh
I had serious work to do.
I started cycling again.
I changed my entire lifestyle
I stopped having things like:
Fast food & energy drinks
Drinking & eating out
Lots of meat
Too much television
And then I discovered YOGA!! 🙂
As I started changing my outlook, my confidence grew more and more. UNTIL FINALLY!
On November 14th, 2012: I came out to the world and decided to transition to female. It wasn’t easy, but she finally woke up, it was AMAZING.
You say I’m ugly? Lol. So What! It was the REAL me! Finally, I did this for me and not you. It was beautiful.
I Went FULL TIME 6 weeks later.
I started laser (ouch!).
And a week after that, I started hormones.
AND then… Things started to happen.
I started seeing some serious results!
7 weeks after that, I got my top surgery.
Hormones changed my whole perspective on life. At 8 months, I was in full bloom!
This is NOT about „passing“…
It never was!!
It’s about something YOU can control.
It’s about being YOU, no matter what society thinks!
And that IS beautiful.
For years I ran in the opposite direction…
But MARINES adapt & overcome
The wife, the child, cars, guns, the Marines, everything… I have ZERO regrets. It was a part of my journey…
And when you being your journey and society tries to bring you down. Ya know what I think about that???
Thank you to my friends and family who supported me through all of this, I couldn’t have done it without you!
Part of her text:
„Guys, my body is just a piece of fabric. I didn’t care what people think when I first dressed as a woman and started to live „full time“. There is no defined beauty standart, because we are all the same on the outside. It’s just skin. So who is inside your head? Are you beautiful and unique? My first day as Sona was just as beautiful as every single day afterwards. And now I am exactly where you can be in 10 years after you transition“
I have to bow before this video. She said so much… It’s a message.
She doesn’t have her own hair, but she had solved it. Even that doesn’t have to be a problem, when you don’t want it to be. IT INSIDE YOUR HEAD.
She became a beautiful woman. And her smooth, soft cheeks. The beard is in the past! And she happy ever since she first emerged as a woman (still imperfect – as all of us at the beginning). The photo of a hairy „man“ is from May, 2012. The last photos are from the end of 2013! Such a huge change after not even 2 years! The way things go is only up to you…
I feel close to her in how she, just like me, decided to take the secret to the grave. She got married and thought that this „problem“ will fix itself and she has a beautiful little girl. And she is only 6 years younger than me! 🙂 ). But she isn’t close to me just because of that…
Now I understand what motivates my therapist to help people like us. It is because of people like Sona. The blooming. It has to be amazing to be a part of that. (And I will be !:)).
I know that our schools teach sex ed. I’m curious, how much they teach about transgender topics. How, at the start, she asks: „Why didn’t I learn this in sex ed?“
LET THIS VIDEO BE AN INSPIRATION TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE LOSING ALL HOPE IN SUCCESS OF THIS JOURNEY, WHO SEE A HAIRY, MANLY, MAN WITH MASCULINE BODY IN THE MIRROR, AND DON’T BELIEVE THAT EVEN THEY CAN BLOOM INTO A BEAUTIFUL FLOWER.
I turned off the computer, took a shower and then went into bed. Unfortunately… I can’t. It’s almost midnight and I can’t fall asleep.
Sona motivated me so much that I’m able to go to work as Tereza and not bother with all the people around me. She is right! We do it for ourselves!
When my female colleague told another colleague about me and he answered with: „That’s okay, I just hope she won’t come in pumps tomorrow“, I thought that he was right. Even the female colleague later told me that it’s good that I’m this „rational“. I might have hidden even before my own self. But now I feel differently…
He isn’t actually okay. Because he is afraid of the situation when I enter the office as a woman. He will feel emberassed. And everyone else will feel emberassed, sick, they will laugh, talk behind my back… But they just don’t understand that this is the real me! That I want to wear pumps, because I’m a woman (even though I told myself that I will never go to work in pumps, because it’s not really my style, but I mean it as metaphor for all the feminine shoes). I could even go there in boots! And he shouldn’t care. I’m going there not for him, but for myself.
I feel so hyped and provocated :). Exactly how it should be. I was destined to see the video and the message it has. Sona is right at everything.
Everyone things that making the first step is so difficult, however it’s not difficult at all! We make up various excuses, but there is no excuse! We make them up because we are scared. Fear destroys us. Our true selves. We will never get anywhere like this.
It’s not selfish to go down this path when we have families, when we have commitments, when we have mortgage, when we have wives we have to pay away, even though we have no money, when we say that destiny didn’t show us the right way yet. It may never show you. Because this is in our hands – we decide what happens in our lives and we set our goals to follow. And it only depends on us how quickly, with what strenght and which way we reach them.
You, who haven’t done the first step yet: What are you thinking about?
Are you afraid they will laugh at you?
Are you afraid of being rejected by your family? That you will lose your friends, your job, everything else?
There is nothing to wait for. there is no reason to think whether to do it or not.
This life is doomed by itself and SHE – the woman inside – will always get you in the end. You can’t run away from it, you can’t substitute it, you can’t kill it, you can’t make yourself an alpha-male that will outwardly look like a testosterone god, while on the inside there is a sleeping princess, unique and beautiful, and every day of hiding behind this mask will exhaust you more and more and one day, it won’t hold anymore. It’s just a matter of when. Do it now!
Sona inspired me. They way she ran head-straight towards it, the way she thought about it and how she cared about none of the people that were not on her side.
If a person like her worked with me, I would respekt her. All her feminity long before hormones. So she would have at least one ally… and that’s enough.
Should it be uncomfortable to go to work dressed as a woman? Should I cry when some people start to laugh behind a corner? Those who don’t understand and never will?
I’m not coming to work in boots tomorrow, but I certainly will sooner than I originally planned to. There is no reason to slowly.
EVERYTHING SAID HERE IS WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE YESTERDAY!
So no hiding behind thoughts like: „Be rational and don’t go outside in a dress.“, „Destiny didn’t show me the way yet.“ or „I’m too fat/skinny/manly/hairy/broad-shouldered/will never look like a woman…“… or „I have a family“…
You don’t have to pity the wives and children. They are not losing us! We are not leaving them! If your divorce is rough, it’s not because of who we are, but because it just didn’t work.
I am completely changing my opinion that family is a good way of filling the void.
Until now I thought that those were my „two kinds of happiness“. However, we can never be happy if we are not ourselves. You have to start building your life differently, when nobody did it for us at birth. It’s on us now.
Good luck 🙂
Hopefully I can fall asleep now 🙂
I’m turning off the computer and going to bed. And I wish for today’s fighting spirit to be everlasting 🙂
And I will be glad, if I managed to transfer at least a bit of it to you.
And this isn’t only for MtF and FtM. It’s for everyone! You only have one life and it’s just up to you how you make use of it.
Or you can run the opposite direction…
Ano Soňa pánbůh ji žehnej, tohle video je mé osudové!!! Tohle mě zlomilo! Neznala jsem tento blog ani jiný, jen se utapela v depresi ze sebe sama. A z něj jsem byla vedle, proč vy to nemohlo jít i u mě.
but you dear therese and